From the album ‘Learning To Be Human‘ (1994).
Lyrics
Walking down the hall feeling like a jerk
So detached it hurts…
I meet this girl with a righthand heart
I notice nothing until we start to kiss
And my hand goes beneath her dress
To the lefthand breast
Downstairs the party’s going full swing
The people we came with haven’t noticed a thing
And as I tease the teat with my teeth
I feel nothing underneath
She moves my head across her chest
Puts my ear against the righthand breast
And sure enough her heart is there
Loud and clear
Beat, beating, beating on
The right side of oblivion
Beat, beating, beating on
The wrong side of her body
And though I know there’s nothing dangerous in it
I’m feeling queasy, getting worse by the minute
Wondering how to escape this nightmare
When up the stair
Comes this boy with no heart at all
Him and her they make the perfect couple
Him so blind in his rapacity
That he doesn’t even see it
Beat, beating, beating, beating (beating)
I was lying on the bed when the lights went out
And the butcher climbed in with the meat hanging out
He had a polyester suit, the guy was a dude
He dressed like a lawyer but he sexed real good
400 push-ups, straight as a rod
Grimacing in the pillow with a face like a dog
He’s wagging his tail, she opens her legs
The little cocker spaniel gets up and begs (gets up and begs)
Nick nack heart attack, give the dog a bone
Knees up, who’s up Old Mother Brown?
Rubber boy, bovver boy, my son John
Kills all the Judys with his big hard on
Pop goes the weasel, bang goes the deal
Punch went to market to club a few seals
Cat got the baby, Judy fell apart
This little piggy had a righthand heart
And as I contemplate this mating of rapacity and sickness
Of which I am the fascinated, unwilling witness
I see he couldn’t care where her heart might be
And I say "what the hell is wrong with me?
Am I just too pure and too proud?"
And as the bed creaks I ask myself aloud
"Could it be that what makes me a freak
Is my contempt for freaks?"
I start to sweat, I feel it approach
Familiar self-hate, familiar self-reproach
And deep inside it beats so hard
My righthand heart
Beat, beating, beating on
The right side of oblivion
Beat, beating, beating on
The wrong side of my body
Beat, beating, beating on
The right side of oblivion
Beat, beating, beating on
Momus 