Momus – karaoke parody competition winners: Onan The Barbarian performed by Richard Knowles

From the album ‘Stars Forever‘ (1999).


What is the cultural meaning of coming in an old sock
Have I found my true vocation: bespoke tailor to my cock
Or is it just to dress my deepest naked fantasies in wool
That eco-friendly outfit that’s machine rewashable

Or is it crude association, if the shoe fits wear it?
Well you know what they say about big feet

Or is it Onan The Barbarian saying
‘No soft tissue paper can hold me
I’m the wolf dressed as the shepherd leading a fleeced flock of tumescent sheep
To masturbation’

Alone on the stage
But even one-act plays need rehearsal

So look to the lights
Pump, soliloquise
And when crystallised
Apply Persil

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